The End is Near

The summer is not long enough. The past few days I've finally become close with a kids on the farm I've previously been unable to get near. RJ has always been quiet around me, and I've never wanted to disturb him. He's the oldest of Harriet's seven kids (I think he's 16 or 17) and has a lot on his plate. He's a pretty quiet kid in general; I'd say he has a lot to think about. Today the work group played Bingo with all the kids, and RJ's younger brother, Peter, won an Uno deck. So Peter, RJ, Bonnie (a member of the work group) and I played. We were laughing and competing. This was the first time I was able to really sit around with both RJ and Peter. I am so grateful I could play with them. Later tonight, RJ asked if he could help out with the work groups. I only wish I had gotten to know him sooner. There's so much I want to talk to him about. Not least of all his goals. I can tell he is a smart kid, and has so much potential. I want him to know he can be more than any humiliation he may be feeling as a result of his situation. It can't be easy to be a high school student at a homeless shelter. He has more responsibility and more experience than I ever had in high school. All of Harriet's kids are beautiful and strong, and I know they each have incredibly busy minds, even little NairNair. Perhaps especially him. I wonder what its like to be the youngest of seven, and homeless to boot.

I've decided I want to write everyone here a card before I leave. I have so much I want to tell everyone, and so much that I don't know how to say. People keep asking me why I'm leaving, especially Patrick and Patricia. Its so hard to have to tell them my job is ending. I don't know how many times I've promised to visit.

Speaking of leaving, Hannah and her family left about two weeks ago. I'm so worried about her. Well, about all of them. When they were getting ready to leave, I wanted to just grab her, jump in my car and take her home with me. She needs so much more than her mother is able to give her. Hannah has a long, scary, and difficult history. She has two different futures, I think. There is so much strength and hope in her, but there is also too much room for depression and desperation. I'm afraid that without someone to lean on, someone who cares solely for her, she could fall into serious depression. As it is, she takes on too much responsibility in her family, caring for her baby brother and foregoing her own needs, especially her homework. With enough confidence and someone to work through her history with, Hannah could rock this world. I miss her smile. She has a beautiful, open, and truthful smile, and an incredibly vulnerable face. I can't remember how many times I made her hug me goodbye.

Old Bay

I've been meaning to post these pictures for a while now. Monday night (2 weeks ago), we ended up with a large quantity of Maryland blue crabs. So they boiled them with some Old Bay seasoning (apparently the only way to have true Maryland crabs), covered two tables with newspaper and everyone dug in. The following pictures remind me of the warmth and love of Thanksgiving with your family:

Sometimes the people on the farm all seem to be working against each other, and it can be incredibly disheartening to be a part of a community with so many splinters. When someone added some blue crabs and Old Bay seasoning that night, the whole farm seemed to come back together. Sisters and brothers were helping each other rip open the crabs and find the most succulent pieces. People sat next to each other who normally wanted little to do with the other, and everyone shared in the delicious mess of crabby goodness. I have never enjoyed crab so much in my life!

Even after we had cleaned up the giant mess of crab bits afterward, my lips still stung with the seasoning, and I can clearly remember the warm, comfortable feeling of tearing apart and devouring delectable crabs among dear friends and family.

Home

Realized today that I belong here. Thought that was something of note. I finally feel comfortable on the farm. Maybe that's the wrong word. I feel at home here. I know where things are (or who to ask if I don't), I know everyone's name, and everyone knows me. I am friends with my Clairvaux Farm family. Fancy that! I don't think its possible to adequately express how excited I am about this.

Today has been a really good day for the farm. Cameron is staying! Alison (she manages the farm, lots of responsibility and stress and amazingness) had a long conversation with him, and they decided he could stay. This morning, he told me her was leaving, and I made it clear how much I would be thinking about him, and that I would really truly miss him. And this afternoon, he told me I'd have to deal with him being around for a while longer! Hurray! I realized then that Cameron and I are friends. We hugged, and I really felt love for this man who I only met one month ago.

Its funny to have friends who are so different from me, in so many ways. Normally, one "knows" someone in a different age group, and is "friends" with someone in the same age group. My new friends are so important.

The other day, Udo mentioned that next week is the midpoint of the summer. I can't believe it. Earlier, I was thinking about the day I leave. What will that be like? How can I ever say goodbye to my friends here?