Thick Skin

There have been far too many thoughts rattling around in my head for the past week or so. Haven't been able (or perhaps I've been too lazy?) to sit down and make them coherent. Sorry for the lack of posts lately.

I started this post about a week ago:

"Kara was evicted from the farm today. The staff write an eviction note and either hand it to the resident or leave it on their bed. I cannot imagine making the decision to evict someone from this place. Eviction must be the hardest part of working here."

I read the letter they put on her bed. What do you say in something like that? Obviously, these decisions have to be made, but we all know there aren't many places to go if you get evicted from Meeting Ground. This is the place you come when you're evicted from other places. Before the woods, this is the last stop.

We were talking about evictions one night, and Sam told me I should work on my thick skin. I know this is good advice, but I can't bring myself not to be concerned, depressed, disappointed, and disheartened when I hear about an eviction. Cameron was evicted last week as well. He's supposed to be off the farm by... well, I can't remember the deadline. Anyway, he only has a few days left. Kara's eviction was not this painful because I did not know her very well. She kept to herself for the most part, and was often out at NA meetings (or so she said. It turns out, she wasn't always at NA meetings when she said she was. This was one the many reasons for her eviction.) Anyway, Cameron was evicted because he was drunk on the farm. The staff have no choice but to evict someone caught drunk or high on the farm. I don't get the feeling that they give second chances for transgressions of this kind. I will really miss Cameron.

I overhead a conversation he was having the other night, talking about his future. He'll go back to living in the woods when he leaves the farm. He didn't seem too concerned about this, which is likely because he's spent a significant amount of time living in the woods in the past. Apparently, he's been able to save some money up since he's been here, so he won't go hungry. I hope he finds more permanent housing before too long. I don't like to think of anyone living in the woods.

I should mention that some of the fake names I put in the blog have complex reasons. For instance, Cameron. He reminds me of Farmer Maggot (of Tolkien fame) because he has a harsh, tough exterior (and small children like young Frodo Baggins are sometimes frightened of him) but he's really a kind, wise man. I have a lot of respect for Cameron. In the film version of The Fellowship of the Ring, Farmer Maggot is played by someone named Cameron (I looked it up on Wikipedia, because I didn't want anyone's fake name to be Maggot. That seems rude, despite my kind intentions.)

Speaking of the woods, Ronald was telling me today that he's leaving tomorrow to go back to the woods. Have no idea if he is actually leaving, and if he'll be coming back. I have learned that Ronald doesn't lie. He exaggerates, but he tells what he knows or remembers. Now, what Ronald knows or remembers may be far from reality, but he isn't lying. Apparently he also smashed his flat screen TV yesterday in some fit of passion. This is not something I have the capacity to explain. He was telling me about it this evening after dinner while I was petting Leo, one of the fat orange cats.

Leo loves his belly rubbed, and Leo is the toughest of the cats on the farm, or so I gather. You can hear the cats yowling and screaming at night whilst they spar in their claw-y cat-y, badass way. Leo never has scratches; most of the other cats do. What a bully. Buddy is still my favorite though. He's the one I named "Kiitttteeenn" when we first met. I still prefer to call him that. His friend whose name I still don't know (they look the same, but her eyes are more yellow and she is much more skittish) has been warming up to me. We have fun running around the barn after each other when I've closed the barn up for the day. I've been calling her Sweetheart, Lovely, and Darling. I don't think she responds to any of those names. Oh well.

When I started this post a week ago, I had not yet found my groove with last week's group. Here are some initial thoughts:

"I pre-judged this group. They are really a great group of kids. I also neglected breakfast this morning in favor of extra sleep. Bad decision-making skills.

Anyway, the kids in this group are all super interested in hearing the stories of residents. This gains them my respect."

By the end of the week, I was a big fan of these fantastic kids from Hilton Head, South Carolina. (They drove 13 hours to get here! Hot dang!) There were 13 youth, from age 13 to 18, a married couple (Teresa and Donny) and their 7-year old, Cooper. Each of the youth had so much to give and they gave in giant bountiful buckets of love and energy. The kids on the farm became so attached to this group -- they really made time to get to know everyone here. They knew nearly everyone's name by the end of the week. On Thursday they threw a pizza party for the whole farm, complete with kickball, volleyball, and water balloons. I think this group, so far out of all the groups, really got the point of the trip the best. They really became part of the community of Meeting Ground with all their whole selves; they kept nothing back. In Chapel last week, the visiting Chaplain (can't remember his name) talked about keeping nothing from God. He explained that we have to give everything to God, even our sins, and only then... well I don't remember how he put it. Anyway, they weren't there for that Chapel service, but they embodied it so well, they may as well have been there. I was sad to see them go on Saturday (especially as they left at 6:00AM, and I got up to see them off. Ugh.)

This is Emily and Max. They may look happy, but they were rather nervous up in the roof. I was so proud they conquered their fears and supported each other on the roof to finish painting the trim on the gable of the family house.

I realized the other night that not only have each of the work groups given me something through their presence here, their energy and their work, but I have souvenirs! The first group gave me a pair of nice work gloves, the second a birthday card and a bracelet. Last week's group does this fabulous thing where they each get a necklace at the beginning of the week. They wear it all week, and on the last day give it to someone they met. Dylan gave me his on Friday. I was incredibly touched and have been wearing it since. Its neat, because there are 16 of these necklaces on different people around the farm.